It is as cruel and heartless as it sounds. Time elapses and leave us behind. For more than 18 years I am wondering around in my life, having no decision what course to take, no rough outline how would I turn out to be, an opaque picture of the future. For that period of time, I am like a jungle trekker wondering around in the woods, walking along a straight passageway with some unseen and unexpected setbacks along the way. Y=MX+C makes some deviations along the way but still it turns out smoothly, neither as smooth nor as rough as you could have in mind.
Strictly abiding the linear equation, I found myself completed my kindergarten without much fuss and worries. I moved onto elementary school as the official footstep to access the world of education. It had marked a negative parabolic curve towards the end of the elementary school life but then the maximum turning point led me to unearth high school with even much more confidence and valour. Despite through the life in high school, I was compelled to choose between Science and Arts and Technology in Form 4, I confidently choose Science for the sake of my passion. The passion for Maths and the desire to study more about the wonder of Maths through Additional Maths. The urge to discover more of the world from the perspective of Chemistry, the quest in search of fame and recognition as in Malaysia, students from Science are usually regarded as ‘good student‘ among the public. Sadly, that is the occurrence in the society.
For that first time, I felt that a decision made was so easy. Perhaps it was made or instilled into the thoughts of a child since young. Parents keep on reminding their children to excel with aisle of Aces in UPSR, PMR, SPM and STPM (Malaysia’s Public Examinations). On top of that, almost all parents make the effort to ensure their child is charted the top on academic performance and if possible including the co-curricular activities performance. Since young, I remember adults, particularly groups of mothers, asking around tuition classes for Science stream students. When some friends of theirs have children enrolling in Form 4, the very next question that is posted into the air sounds similar or exactly the same, that is “Which stream is he/she in? Science?” Not much consideration for other streams but Science, to them is like the cream. Of course being in Science is good in such a way that they require less memory work. Anyway, I hope you get the picture that most parents have 95% drafted their child’s future in high school, that is to work diligently to be able to enter Science stream. That concludes the choice-making moment in life – as long as you work hard and score that aisle of straight As, you are able to squeeze yourself into the Science.
When I splurged in the moments of no-more-decision-making-years, at least for that 2 years, I was relieved and let out a sigh. For all I knew during then was to study diligently, balance out my time between academic and co-curricular and I shall shine in my high school. That was really easy. And that was tough, but not as tough as what I had to encounter in life.
If you could reminisced what happen in your early years when you hear parents talking about marvellous occupations such as doctors, pharmacy, engineers, architects and so on. Parents share information among one another and even gossip about so and so’s children are a current student of those respective courses in such and such leading universities spread across the world. At least that part of my memories has sunk into my grey cells and are locked in them. However, modern parents nowadays accept the fact and truth that not all children are into the Science stream for the job market demands a mixture of these streams graduates but not just one. The Earth is a place not just for one species but for the mixture of different species and of every species the Earth can accommodate variations. Hence, people move on and parents start to let their children decide their own future pathway with some guidance and advices along the way.
And that to ignore the heartless time, I never realise that I have walked almost till the end of the straight line path. Again I am bound to encounter another Y = AX^2+BX+C and this time round, I am alone to make this decision, a decision that will determine the value of A – whether if it graphs out as a positive or negative value. At this ultimate turning point of life, the decision that I make and I know that will change a big part of my later life. I tend to become even more nervous as friends around me have decided what courses to take in the future but for me to decide which one of the diverged paths to take is like a matter of lifetime. Frankly speaking I have no idea what choice to make. See, when you make any decision there are for sure some rebuttals that might put off your spirit. You have to consider the current and future situations and many things have to be taken into consideration. Although philosophers have encouraged people to chase after their own dreams, pursue what they crave and fulfill their thirsting passion. Passion is one another big topic. We all want to do something we are passionate about and passion is the key that will drive us through our life till death.
Between passion and rational, which side would you take? And that when you finally come across a diverged road in the woods that you have to make your own decision, what would you do? Most essentially any recommendations on the steps I should take in order to leap through this.
And how I hope right now, life were just a Y=MX+C.
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