As his car swifts through the boulevards and highways in the city like a professional F1 racer, the driver never seems to find peace within. Instead, he feels like he is driving like a mad, changing routes swiftly and aimlessly, having no clear direction where he is suppose to go. The craziness and puzzled feeling that enshrouds him compel him to draw his car to an emergency land, stepping gently on the break and letting the car decelerates until it comes to a stop.
The engine stops, and so as his thoughts.
Suddenly the clear blue sky is coated with a layer of grey clouds. The sun beam that burns his eyes has vanished. He lifted up his polarised sunglasses and stares in front of him. His thoughts go blank. Of a sudden he is bombarded with questions such as “Why am I here?”, “Who am I?” and at that instant, he lays back on his seat with both palms locked under his head. He feels so empty and slowly the strings of incidents that has occurred recently, slowly replay in his blur memory.
“Dear _____, I know that we are now distance apart. You know how much I wish to see you right now for you know to what extend I love you, to how far I got crazy not being able to see you for months and years. I wish I could stay right with you for as long as I possibly can. It just all doesn’t matter. You are all that matters to me.” That was the last time he spoke to her on the phone, make it more specific, on New Year Eve when he is compelled to stay right at where he is.
“Dear _____, I love you too. But, sometimes life just has to move on. Being able to know you is my greatest fortune. However, under certain circumstances or perhaps fate…” The sentence never finishes and she hangs up the phone. He is totally in a maze and could not and would not want to interpret what she has replied him on the phone. For a moment that night, he stares at the clear dark sky, off a sudden, tears start to escape from his eyes and slide down his cheek. His friends adjacent to him remain silent, for they never see such a strong guy shedding his tears.
After the unfinished conversation pops up of his memory, he feels the similar feeling has never fade, instead it is imprinted in him. He has seldom cried throughout his years growing up and for once, he feels that he sheds his tears, for his love one. He quickly grabs a piece of tissue in his automobile and wipe away the tears. He flashes the signals and off he drifts away along the highway, trying to figure out a way to get himself out of this maze.
Even Newton or Edison could not explain these with Science. Without his intention, he is in fact crying as he drives. His mind goes blank and empty. He only knows he is crying as he drives. He remembers how adamant he is with his true love. He never ever peek on other ladies who try to pair themselves up with him at the foreign place. He meets some pretty ladies too but somehow the chemistry is never there. He could reminisced months ago while his friends dragged him to go clubbing, several of the hot ladies try to seduce him. He knew he was rude then, he pushed them asides and went out.
For the first time, he stood under the cold night and trying to masquerade his tears and cries. He looked upon the sky and saw the similar full moon. He stared at the full moon and only her face appears before his sights. He sighed and suddenly adrenaline urged him to go back to where he first met her. Ever since he met her, he has always looked forward for his holidays, hoping to see her soon. He pulled out a cigarette from his pocket and started to ignite it. After the first few puffs, it could not cure his confused inner self. He threw it onto the ground and put it off by stepping hard on it.
A friend was in time to come out of the bar. Puzzled and angered, he questioned, “What the hell were you thinking? You know how much those lads are crazy about you? You must be sick!“
Feeling soulless and weightless, he coldly replied “For the first time I feel myself in true hell. Give me some peace of mind. I want to stroll. No more words from me. I catch up with you guys next time.” His friend could only see his body’s shape diminishing and got darker as he walked away from the pub and under the dim moonlight, his friend suddenly feels a sense of guilt, for being a jerk, yelling at his friends for no rational reasons.
As he drives towards the end of the highway before connecting to the next boulevards, he decides to take an en-route and goes back home. Right now he could not even think logically or rationally. All that fills his mind is her. He wish to know where is she now and what is she doing. His heart is like a scattered mess. He presses the accelerator harder and harder and the car speeds of with at least 100 km/h.
Back to where he first starts his wild and aimless drive, he jumps to his bed and buries himself under the thick blanket. He tries to cast aside everything and has a sound sleep. However, his brain’s neurones keep playing mischievous tricks on him, embracing him into thinking of her. He finally sits up and lets out a wild long scream. He could not stand it anymore. Without second thought, he switches on his laptop and logs on to the internet. He makes numerous clicks on the mouse and several hits on the touch pads before he prints out his electronic ticket back home.
That night, he sits on the parlour again with glass of red wines. He sits there and stares upon the clear dark sky. To his dismay, there is no full moon for him and neither do stars wish to shine on him that night. His heart sinks to the bottom and he compels himself not to think anymore, for he knows he would be seeing her soon. However, the outcome might not rings good news for him. He has mentally prepared himself for that.
But right now, so long as he hasn’t see her, so long he clenches onto his hope that she has never forgotten about him. He knows his flame for her has never being put off for when he first seen her, the chemistry is reacting very vigorously and he has never put the chemical reaction to an end or even a pause. He loves her and that’s all he knows.
He wishes to count the star, just like him counting the days to seeing her. “…perhaps fate never allows us to be one…“, the sky is so clear without any stars and that is when he sounds like giving up and say, perhaps that is her last sentence but she doesn’t wish to complete it, not willing to crash her love one too.
It is almost midnight by then he finishes his glass of red wine. He still could not put himself to rest. He takes off his shirt and sits on the parlour alone, waiting for the cold night to take his lifeless soul away. Topless, he wishes to let his 2-years memory with her drift his sadness and grieves away.
That night, from midnight to dawn seems like a very long time…